It's all he ever knew and all he ever wanted to be: a police officer. When his grandparents passed away, the chairs in their home had imprints of where the gun holsters had pressed against the material. 

"When people would come and sit at their table for Christmas dinner, it was always [a] cops house... I think it really comes down to that purpose. Now, we have a purpose in saving their lives. The bottom line is we can't just let them suffer in silence," said one member of Wayfinders Wellness Society (WWS)

WWS's headquarters is located in a small 100-year-old ranching house, nestled at the foot of the rolling hills where Jumping Pound Creek runs near Cochrane. The non-profit organization is dedicated to supporting first responders, military, veterans, and their families to maintain their wellness in Post-Traumatic and Operational Stress Injury (PTSD/OSI) recovery through wellness workshops and peer support.

Recently, Wayfinders appointed David Irvine, an internationally renowned author who specializes in leadership as the society's president. Irvine has been tasked with building the organization's board as well as seeking out fundraising opportunities. He is also hoping to move the needle forward as the organization seeks charitable status.

"I wanted to make a contribution to seeing this organization thrive, so, that the community that they [first responders] serve, never has to pay to do this," Irvine said. "We want to create a long-term sustainable model where people have an opportunity to contribute to the lives of people that truly have made a difference to this society and we want to make a contribution back to their lives."

According to Steph D*, one of the society's facilitators, the majority of the organization is compromised of peers with lived experience helping peers. She underlined that the organization is a non-therapist-led facility with a Do No Harm motto.

"This means when responders [are] looking for ways to maintain their wellness in recovery/remission from PTSD/OSI, we do not discuss the cause of our injuries, news, politics, or religion at our workshops. While there, the time is dedicated to the participants' focus on their wellness in the community," she explained. 

The organization offers workshops such as equine wellness, which differs from equine therapy as this focuses more on communication with horses, as well as art, music, trauma-informed yoga, warrior meditation, beekeeping, community gardening, and First Nations land-based healing. However, while they are hoping to expand their operations, there is already a vast swath of expertise that the organization draws on from its facilitators - several of whom are first responders who have experienced trauma and the ensuing PTSD. 

On this hot Thursday afternoon in late June, several facilitators have gathered to discuss what has brought them here.

The person with lived experience is the person who really understands the injury

One member of Wayfinders, a former municipal police officer* explained that often time first responders who begin experiencing PTSD or OSI are hesitant to reach out because of the continued stigma that is attached to the diagnosis. If and when a first responder does reach out for help, oftentimes any peer-support-led groups in organizations may not be led by others who are experiencing the same thing.

"As soon as there's that [mental] injury, there's the introduction of a lot of unknown possibilities for outcomes, actions or reactions, at possibly the worst possible time. There's a complete loss of confidence in that member," he said. "Wayfinders is run by people from lived experience and that needs to be acknowledged; we basically have master's degrees in the injuries we've lived and [we are now] getting back into wellness."

Like many who became police officers before him and those that continue to join the ranks of protective services, there is an engrained sense of service. That sense of duty doesn't simply extinguish itself because of a mental health injury. 

"There's an obligation and a sense of purpose that comes with a sense of service. You can't just walk away from seeing something which is so damaging to your peers and not do anything about it. I find myself working tirelessly and having my bucket filled by seeing the benefits of what we're doing here."

Though he hasn't worked as a police officer for some time, he admitted he desperately misses the sense of purpose his work gave him. However, with his work at WWS, that sense of purpose has been renewed. 

"WWS has been my purpose [now] in being able to give back; it's full of praise when we see the accolades of the people that come through these doors, and watching them go on to living, healthy, happy lives. The tears that come from this location. It's a privilege to be able to volunteer with Wayfinders."

Two veterans perspectives

John* who previously served in the Canadian Armed Forces and did tours across the globe, including Bosnia and Afghanistan also feels bound by an intense sense of duty.

"I'm no longer in uniform but I'm doing this to save my brothers [and sisters]. I'm doing it out of an uncontrolled passion for duty and service to them," he said. "These are the people [first responders] that are going out and impacting the everyday person, and saving them from their own harm, saving them from criminals and they're getting injured. Who's helping these people? I'm doing this because I'm helping those people [that] help others."

John said he has worked with both governmental organizations as well as grass-roots organizations such as WWS and said that he feels a level of standardization should be applied when it comes to dealing with first responder mental health injuries.

"It should be something that should be standardized at a couple of levels. I started off at a very formal government agency and then I moved to private grassroots and then I went to a national program. I see a massive difference and it does attract different audiences and has different purposes. But there needs to be within those three different levels, some form of organization." 

However, Heather* who also served in Canadian Armed Forces said that when it comes to veterans and their PTSD, an added layer of complexity is introduced when one is addressing the issue of sexual assault.

"When it comes to peer support, there's so much guilt and shame when these people walk through our door and then when these people do come forward there is no support for them. There are no specialists for them. There is literally nothing out there. Most of the formalized peer support groups will not accept anyone who's had military sexual trauma," she said. 

John echoed her sentiments saying that for women and men who are dealing with PTSD due to sexual trauma, it is unique.

"The mechanism of [sexual assault] is totally different. When you talk about military sexual trauma or any service sexual trauma - it's not the outside person who did it, it's an inside agency that has broken multiple layer layers of trust."

When asked why she joined the WWS team, Heather said that it was her own lived experiences in the military and the realization that there was no peer support for sexual assault survivors in the military, that ignited her own passion.

"It's the right thing to do and if nobody speaks up, how do we know there's a problem?" she said. 

I've lived with the injury. That is one of my biggest drivers

Steph* underlined that because no PTSD or OSI injury and no individual experiencing the injury is the same, WWS has been feverishly working on all different types of programs and workshops to try and address each and every member.

"For me, I need to be able to help other people and to lend that perspective that others don't have. That's the thing with PTSD injury - no two injured people are exactly the same in their injury and their reactions," she said. "In their recovery, there are tools that will consistently work for many people, but as far as the injury itself, everybody's uniquely different. That's part of what needs to change in the system."

She also added that it's not just about peer support and workshops that WWS offers.

"The team at WWS has a great deal of experience navigating agencies like WCB Workers Compensation Board of Alberta] and VAC [Veterans Affairs Canada] and has a directory of resources for those who contact us that are acute in their PTSD/OSI seeking professionally certified resources that we can defer them to look into for the help they are needing," she added.

She noted that WWS is not trying to reinvent something, but instead, they are trying to augment gaps they see in the system.

"What we are looking to do, is to be the bridge between the front wheel and the back wheel that needs to bring the two pieces together."

PTSD in numbers

According to statistics from 2016, which the Canadian Mental Health Association cites, first responders experience  PTSD and Critical Incident Stress at two times the rate versus the general population.

"It is estimated that over 70,000 Canadian first responders have experienced PTSD in their lifetimes," the association stated. "11 per cent of first responders have reported suicidal thoughts as a result of the jo

For those who may have once been part of those statistics, it is a stark reminder of the work they have been tasked with. 

"It's one person at a time. But when I say one person at a time, we're talking about 75 to 85 people a month. So, it's not one person at a time anymore; we're growing, and we're having real tangible impacts on individuals, their families, and their, entire life."

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*Editor's note: Full names have not been published to protect the privacy and identity of the facilitators.