Have you ever wondered why bullies do what they do? Or maybe how a person becomes a bully? 

As Pink Shirt Day is just around the corner and there is more awareness of bullying, the question is still up for grabs. 

Rameen Karagger, a local psychologist, talks about the prevalence of bullying with his patients. 

“Based on the caseload that I have, probably about 80 to 90% of the people that I treat have been bullied in the past and have experienced some sort of bullying either at home, or at school, or their workplace.” 

Karagger has worked with many patients and says that a lot of people will come in and admit to feeling like a bully. He notes rarely will these people actually be bullies. 

“I think a lot of people are quite hard on themselves. And when they come and describe what they did it usually isn’t actual bullying. But since they feel like something they said or did would make someone upset, they then feel like they indirectly caused the other person some emotional harm. In reality, they are just making themselves feel super guilty.” 

Unfortunately, Karagger isn’t seeing actual bullies in for help when he believes it would be beneficial for them. 

“When someone externalizes the problem, they are then in return justifying bullying someone. Because then the problem was with that person rather than the problem being with how the bully reacted in the situation.” Karagger adds that “It is hard for these individuals to ask if they are doing something wrong?” 

Karagger notices as an individual, it can be hard to see yourself so lowly when it comes to how you treat others. 

“Our self-esteem or self-identity is extremely important, and how we want to see ourselves and how we want other people to perceive us as always in a good light reflects on our own self-worth. For a lot of people, it's hard to accept that there is that ugly part of me (the part that bullies).” He notes that, “it’s hard for people to admit that what they are doing is bullying.” 

But the origin of a bully always starts from something. Karagger says there are many factors to why someone may become a bully.  

“When we're young, we're very impressionable, and anything that somebody's faces, we believe that to be a reality rather than an opinion.” 

Not only does it start with our perception of reality but how we grow up is so important to how we deal with situations further down the line in our life. 

“When parents don't communicate properly, and then media influences children they don't learn proper social interaction with others. If someone for example, even if they have excellent parents, goes to school and they don't know how to communicate properly or, how to play fairly with other kids, they then will feel isolated.” 

The misconception that can occur is a lot of the time someone who bullies was once the person being bullied. 

“We never learn how to deal with rejection, how to deal with isolation, failure, or any of that. Individuals will lash out as another means in order to gain what they want.” Karagger says that “how parents enforce punishments, or negative peers influence, or inappropriate social behaviors all affect how somebody grows.” 

Karagger wants kids to know they always have a place to talk to someone and feels it's one of the only ways for youth to address their thoughts and issues safely. 

“A lot of schools have a counselor on-site and I think those help to encourage kids to open up and to express those negative experiences and learn how to deal with those situations.” 

Parents need to make sure they are assisting in the growth of their children and not indirectly pushing them to lash out when they do not get their way. 

“it's so important that they engage in something that's more useful such as sports, music, or any other program rather than negative actions like getting involved in a bad crowd that does drugs, alcohol, and other destructive activities that may distract them from school or from growing themselves.” 

While it is now a little clearer why someone would start being a bully, the issue of bullying is still so prevalent. If you or someone you know is being bullied, always ask for help. 

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